Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Randomize
