Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
