I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
kristin has been a bad kristin
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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