I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
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