He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
