He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
The uberlube is also flammable
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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