i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Randomize
