do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
