You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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