He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Randomize