I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
