also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
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