Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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