He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
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Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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