my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Randomize
