Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
