I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
