Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
