Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I need to align my fucking chakras
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