This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
