I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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