so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
