So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
