did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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