Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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