he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
