theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
