either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
i wish my penis had a tongue
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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