now i know why i became what i already was.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
