Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
i need an iv and a liver transplant
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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