I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Randomize
