she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
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