yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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