When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
