A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
