i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Randomize
