she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
