at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
