bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize
