Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Randomize
