please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
