I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
We're too hungover to prance.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
