Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
