called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
