If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
