Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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