I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
