GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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