The maid of honor just puked.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
