the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
