I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
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there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
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Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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