i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I look better un-naked...
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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