I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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