there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
