Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
