theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Randomize
