I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
accomplished twins. life is a go
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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