I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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