I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize