I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
home. puking in laundry basket.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
