don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
