Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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