i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
