Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(214): View more from Texas

The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much

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(240): View more from Maryland

you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters

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(740): View more from Ohio

his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass

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(317): View more from Indiana

Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls

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(540): View more from Virginia

I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.

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(630): View more from Illinois

Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard

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(573): View more from Missouri

I had him autograph the condom wrapper.

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(303): View more from Colorado

I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.

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(586): View more from Michigan

Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.

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