Don't make out with my wife yet
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Randomize
