I just cut my nipple shaving
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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